The dirt that coats my sun dried fingers
Fades with every tap of my thumb onto the screen,
And I am ashamed that the lonliness inside of me
Manifests itself in tears rather than
Burying itself in the beauty of a life I have yet to live.
I am on the edge of a cliff and He is beckoning me to jump,
My heart is beating too slowly and too fast,
Because I am scared of all the things I need desperately
And torn from the ones I love,
But on the brink of insanity little infinities
Make the blisters seem less painful
And more likely to scar.
My older brother must know this feeling,
Except he is better than me at masking
The hurt underneath.
Even through the wounds he wraps his arms around me in protection
And laughs with a confidence that he isn't finished yet.
Something finished this week,
It stirs up the dust in my stomach
From my tainted water.
Something also began.
I saw my younger brother cry for the first time,
I tried to bandage a bullet I couldn't explain,
Maybe it will heal even despite the monotony we return to.
My brother at home has been thrust into change
My sister's voice mimicked my mental vision of her face
And I'm finding myself missing an odd sort of blood-stained home I never thought I would.
Maybe with the fresh discrepancies in my mind,
Maybe He will give me clarity.
I am a lost soul wandering amid many and yet all alone,
I don't know where I feel safe these days,
I can't run away,
I can't run away,
And I would wash off the paint, but I fear my heart's stained
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