thirty seven

How is it
That I am most at peace
When I am unnoticed?

How is it
That I am most in pain
When I should be
Okay?

How is it
That I am both happy
And in grief?
How is it that the sky today
Is both light and dark
Just like my head?

The pain is dull now,
I'm switching perspectives,
I am choosing to flip on the lights.
If I am so calm,
How is it that I am also panicking?

It is all such a contradiction.

Good thing I am unrecognized in at least this instant.