thirty four

dear older brother,
this won't be the end
love is a hell on which your heart won't depend
maybe there's a hole in your universe
you don't yet understand
maybe there's a gap in your thinking
maybe there's a place that you miss
a time you can't return to,
in the midst of it all you are hugging a sister
who never knew she was feeling so alone,
until she came back home
and you're leaving again
the new stage is set
are you feeling like this is a set-up?
me too,
me too,
me too.

dear younger brother,
you're much older than me.
you say you don't know where to put
all the broken pieces of yourself,
let me set your mind at ease
with something you already know
deep inside.
there's power in prayer,
even though i don't prefer to believe it some days,
it's uncomfortable to feel it some days.
i looked up at the stars one night,
i laid in a field looking like a complete idiot,
i learned about surrender a week late,
i put the broken pieces of myself in the hands of someone better,
and i think that you'll be doing better than me
don't ever close your eyes when you're needing sleep.