ninety five

Tonight
Is one of those nights
When I wish you would talk to me
Just like
We used to
Just like
We once did
You din't know I'm sad
But I know you hurt bad
Because the weight of my soul
Somehow carries yours
Yet the silence pertains
To this time of day
And the look on your face
More than you know.
I want to tell you I miss you
In just a friendly way now
Because I thought I had you,
Now I only have space
I thought I had you,
I'm giving you grace
But you're taking and taking
While I'm breaking and breaking
Convincing myself
I can fight.

I know I can fight,
But you were part of that once.

You think
That you're taking the hard way this time--
You're damn wrong.
Silence is easy for you to justify in your head
And talking is hard.
Dying is hard.
Giving yourself license to be there is hard.
Putting your feelings on the back burner and being a friend is hard.
Selflessness is hard.

Maybe you will sort this out someday
While I'm struggling to find myself alone

I love you, don't I?
It's not easy sometimes.