tonight

Why did it have to be tonight?
Why did I have to choose the night?
My thoughts collide with the car window
And my tears collide with my throat.
If I enjoyed it so much, why does it backfire after the fact?
How can a split second be partial to changing everything,
How is it that I am back and forth between beauty and hopelessness?
God, I don't know how I need You tonight.
Why did it have to be tonight?
Would you care to give him rest tonight?
God, don't tell him I'm afraid
God, don't tell him I'm afraid

This house smells foreign.
This skin feels old.
I am afraid that I will go to sleep tonight.
I am afraid that I will choose the morning.
I am afraid that either the sun will not be friendly to me or the stars will not be docile as they seem, I am scared that they will hear my wish tonight, I'm scared that they will take away exactly what I want or either put it in my hands, I am afraid that my mom is going to die and I will not have done enough to save her while I am busy trying to save myself.

I am scared perhaps most of all
That the fear I don't tell you
Will be the one that comes true.

But don't tell him tonight, God?