i want my attention span back
i wish i could read books again and let my eyes scan the page a million miles an hour,
i want to skip meals for engrossment rather than sadness,
there's a twitching in my fingertips again--
too much energy.
i want to play music without being insecure about my voice.
i want to drive with the windows rolled down and listen to songs no one else likes,
i want to be free and wild and happy,
but there's a pounding in my heart again,
a pausing of my speech again,
i'm too irritated to live in my own skin these days.
but then again the rush of bleeding madness sighs for a torrent of crop-pounding rain--
i'm deeply sad inside, i'm crying then i'm not,
the world is a painted sphere of black and white
and i just want to sleep, i just want to
lay in my bed
and not get up
till it's raining and
the weather
can match
my fingerprints.
the sun rises tomorrow and i will be ecstatic again,
the next dawn i will drown.
either way,
what does it matter?
i can't find the middle ground.
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