one hundred and six

I don't care about reading your texts,
That's where I trust you.
Show me your camera roll.
Who's in it?
When you scroll back on your entire year,
Who made it?
When I sift through your heartbeats,
Who are they for?
I have to say, if it isn't me, I would like to know.
What's taking you so long?

one hundred and five

I'm just scared of stealing someone else's story
And also scared of living mine

one hundred and four

Saturdays are exhausting for me.
Everyone else's weekend has become my hell,
It's just a job but "just things" get under your skin so much easier, don't you think?
Like "just friends" or when you're "just tired".
Well, I'm just a little overwhelmed in my life right now
And I need just a few quiet moments to screw my head on right,
Or maybe a whole lifetime

one hundred and three

This is a story
Of how my mom died
And how i didn't know what to do with myself
And how i couldn't cry for weeks--

Maybe i'll catch up someday

This is a story
Of how i was depressed at prom
And the boy i love told me i was beautiful
And it wasnt quite enough
To kill the ache in my heart for him
And everyone danced like there was a cure for cancer
Everyone danced like their meds were working--

Maybe i'll catch up someday

This is a story
Of how i went to a place i love
And came home still sad
This is a story
Of how i forget about God
And wish i would have realized sooner
A story of how i know where to turn
But my brain doesnt work
And i end up in my bed praying for sleep

Maybe i'll catch up on it someday

And they were all dancing like there was a cure for cancer,
Yet there wasnt
And they were all dancing like their meds were working,
Mine help with only so much
And they were all dancing like love was alive
While mine is uncertain and i'm dying and scared
They were all dancing and I had to yank on my hair
To pretend i was there,

Maybe i'll catch up with them someday

Maybe he'll love me someday

Maybe i'll cry again someday